what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
