its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and she was petting her beer can
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
