there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mom said you looked used
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
