I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
