you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
