she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
