Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
