Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
