Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
