i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
