U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize