i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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