when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
