i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
