so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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