Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
