no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
