Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
