I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
