i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
