i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
