omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
