Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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