I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
