Your mouth is God's brothel.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
