I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
