trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
