I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize