My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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