I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
