she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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