Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have fence marks all over my body
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
