He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
