I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
