He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
