Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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