we have pet lesbian snakes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
