i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
