what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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