hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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