I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
