i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We left the knife in your bed.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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