So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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