1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
