Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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