I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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