her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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