I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize