woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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