you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
