i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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