That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
