Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
