i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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