you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
