Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
