am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
