I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize