went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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