so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
