I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize