and you said cock pushups were impossible
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
