It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize