i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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