I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was born a porn star she said
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
