dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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