im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
