Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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