my sisters under your porch take her home
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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