dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
