I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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